Growing Resolutions

I have seen some fast things in my life....

In fact, I have even experienced a few myself. I've seen jets fly at super speeds and I've ridden in cars that reached speeds over a 100 mph seemingly instantly. I have even seen space shuttles launch at super sonic speeds. None of that compares to what I witnessed when I stepped on the scale today.

The numbers shot over 300 so quickly, I almost had a stoke. I started screaming (internally) "damn liar!" I went out to the recruiter and asked him how much his scale was off. He told me, "I think it is 4 pounds heavy." I informed him that little bit wasn't going to help my fat ass. (Side note) "Fat ass" is the character I am going to play in the remake of Shawshank Redemption. Add that 4 to the 8 to 9 for my shoes, pants, shirt, change and heavy coat and I still come in at a whopping 307 to 308 pounds. I swear if I grow an inch I'll be completely round. And to think I was slightly offended yesterday when my aunt told me I might need to go back to Marine Corps Boot Camp to lose some weight. Turns out I was heavily offended, just not aware about how heavily offended I was.

I began thinking ...You know, you can find another scale and see what that one says when the following internal conversation took place. Self to me: What the heck is wrong with you? Would you ask for a second opinion on a prostate exam?

Me to Self: Well.....I have been single for several years now and the thought of a threesome is kinda......

Self to me: Seriously, dingle dork?!?

Me to Self: No, jerkwad!! I wouldn't ask for a second on that!!

Self to me: Well, why you want confirmation from a second scale?

Me to Self: I guess I don't really want it after all. I just don't want to believe it.

Self to me: Well, believe it, fat ass and do something about it.

Me: Sigh!!

Self to me: Sigh all you want, but they might charge you by the day to cremate you if

you don't lose weight and we know you don't want that. You also don't want them to use eight people to carry you to the grave. haha

Me to Self: Enough already, I get it!!

I guess it's time to get serious and lose some weight. I'm glad I kept many of my clothes from when I was smaller. I'm gonna lose my way back into them and then some.